#and it just kinda hit me in the gut
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longmaxsilvarg · 3 months ago
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something about the main menu for life is strange genuinely makes me wanna collapse and sob
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dent-de-leon · 4 months ago
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oh my god I just remembered that Lucien playfully asked Frumpkin what his dreams for the future are. He’s so cute, I love those little moments when he indulges in that same love of ridiculous whimsy as Mollymauk—
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Also I was going to say it makes me feel some kinda way that Lucien gives Caleb a little nickname too, how something as small and teasing as, “Broody one,” betrays just how much of Caleb Lucien can truly see, how the depths of this wizard’s heartache and pain isn’t lost on him.
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But, even more heartbreaking… “Perhaps we’re more alike than you think.” Lucien saying that, even though he can’t possibly know how terribly true it is. Lucien who doesn’t know that Caleb is the only person who would understand how he woke screaming and crying as a child from nightmares of setting his childhood home on fire. Lucien who watched his parents burn, lost his whole family—and spent years blaming himself for it, desperately trying to bend reality to his will just to bring them back.
Never mind that he did it to save himself and his little sister, that he did it to stop them from using his brother’s corpse as an undead puppet—saved countless others from being sacrificed to the same fate. He still hated himself for it, still let the gutting guilt and grief eat him alive. Lucien who is a victim of the Cerberus Assembly and several other very powerful, manipulative mages—just as much as Caleb is.
We’re more alike than you think. Lucien who resents his blood hunter scars and all the Eyes and his own infernal blood—every time he tried to close off his own heart to keep from losing anyone else. It could have saved him, I think. If he knew just how much Caleb would understand. And I think, for his Magician, that shared connection would be a comfort too—
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skrunksthatwunk · 5 months ago
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reread the first 3 volumes of berserk (aka the black swordsman arc) today and started Really paying attention to guts this time and my takeaway is that he is TERRIFIED way more often than i thought. like puck mentions fear in the mix of emotions he's sensing from him but he is truly wide eyed quivering princessmoding his way through a lot of this ordeal
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akkivee · 6 months ago
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sunshine and scarlet summer are very obvious callbacks to jiro and saburo’s first solos so i think it’s natural to assume the h era reformation will be a call back to ore ga ichiro and maybe………
but his bp solo already has the ore ga ichiro callback so i think it’d be sick if it was a callback song to break the wall instead 🤔
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st-peculiar · 2 months ago
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Got onto the werewolf train recently and I have something to say to tv and film producers. Let your werewolf character be more. Wolfy. For my peace of mind
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journey-to-the-attic · 1 year ago
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friends are currently debating whether 'lost in the citadel' or 'montero (call me by your name)' is the better solphisto song and here are the main points for each side of the argument:
"lost in the citadel works for both perspectives and their tragic yuri romance" (lines 'i need time to get up and get off the floor / i need time to realise that i can't be yours' given as main example) - jo
vs
"montero cos those two definitely want to f-" - james (perhaps better known as captain bhole)
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ananxiousgenz · 3 months ago
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just burst into tears after receiving an "I love you" text from a loved one, how's everyone else's day going
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reflectionsofgalaxies · 3 months ago
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#it’s weird because i always know before it’s even said#but it still hurts each time?#wild#hitting on some real tender spots that i thought i left behind years ago#it’s not. like. punch to the gut whole world seems wrong level.#it’s more like a short sharp stab in my heart the size of a pencil#but it’s still definitely not fun#especially with everything else going on#just. overwhelmingly bad timing for me personally which is wildly selfish#but i think i’m allowed to feel that way so long as i don’t let if affect the way i act#still very much trying not to pull away#and that’s kind of really fucking hard#because it’s so much easier to make the decision myself#but i’ve learned from my mistakes and i don’t plan on hurting anyone like that again if i can help it#i just. i’m tired. i’m tired of putting on a brave face for everyone and still not doing a great job at it.#my friend today said ‘you’re allowed to be grumpy’ before we hung out and that felt really good#and i found that i didn’t even have to put on a brave face around her or pretend to not be grumpy#i just wasn’t grumpy anymore#so that was definitely nice#there are good things in my life!#and i know this#it’s just hard when so much is changing at the same time and it definitely doesn’t feel#like it’s for the better#but: i have my friends and i’m going back to school#(both of which are actually also causes of stress rn but ALSO sources of joy and excitement)#anyway glad i can talk here#kinda want to cut my chest open and bleed out the painful bits#but talking is a decent alternative#personal
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konshokoentaiko · 3 months ago
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i always thought i was a very typical enemies to lovers girlie but i think i just realized my actual taste in ships is the dynamic where the two are supposedly equal rivals/enemies who represent diametrically opposed themes (for the Aesthetic), but in actuality it’s just one of them yanking the other around on a chain while the other whines and rages and protests and ultimately makes an absolute spectacle of themselves
so uhhh. how did THAT happen and when and why
#L and light fit this dynamic bc my mental model of their conversations is like this#L shoots light a question mostly meant to fuck with him and it works bc light instantly starts running in around in circles in his brain#he’s like a circus performer juggling ten rings on a tightrope. obsessively constructing his answer based on what he imagines he looks like#in L's eyes. he's like... a peacock strutting around with his feathers out or some shit. so easily provoked. he's doing this to himself!!!#this is not even mentioning that L had light on a literal leash (that's what im calling the chain.) but anyways#i started shipping them in yotsuba arc and it was the moment where light did a thing in hunting down yotsuba and L was like hmm. good boy.#(me: having visions of light's brain shorting out in this moment (bc the praise kink shit is so real and personal to me))#but then he turns it into another test: you're so good you could replace me actually. and then light just calls him on it in front of the#whole task force with this big dramatic speech like he'd reached into L's brain and pulled the thoughts directly from his head#light is constantly performing at L's whims and he hates it ofc. he's under investigation; why wouldn't he? but secretly he's having the#time of his life bc he's a bit deranged and he likes showing off!!! to L!!!#out of all versions of light i think yotsuba!light felt most strongly about having Something To Prove. to everyone and to L specifically#at this point after the fake-memory kira shenanigans he's def not a normal strait-laced boy even if he's pretending very hard to be one#theres so much u can do w that dynamic imo. like it isnt just neutered kira vs L it's got its own flavor that can only exist at that time#especially if u also assume L realizes light has lost his memories and is kinda trying to manipulate him about it#anyways back to my original point. i can't believe it took an anthropomorphic tv man hitting the base versions of my tastes with deadly#precision for me to even realize what they were. im going insane about this. thank you anthropomorphic tv man. i guess#this is also why alastor + lucifer isn’t doing it for me i think. hating each other over power levels? or over charlie? boringgg#it’s gotta be more personal than that. they’re more evenly matched in how they feel about each other but it feels soulless#i need that raw gut churning angst lmaooo#this is also partly why i can’t get into angel + husk and im MAD about it. i think they’re the kind of ship i might’ve liked back when i#was 12 and losing it over sns (naruto) for the first time. but now i’m a diff type of person apparently
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plan-3-tmars · 1 year ago
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as a parting message before I go to sleep I just want to share that I genuinely can not stop thinking about a spiral avatar kazui. this ?au? (it isn't even an au its just an idea that lives in my head) has taken over my brain.
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anothermonikan · 5 months ago
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>opens tiktok
>immediately gets called transgender
>see's a popular objectum post on here gutted for a laincore slideshow post
>closes tiktok
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amtrak12 · 11 months ago
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My spouse read chapter 12 of my Lucifer fic and he called it my best chapter yet :') Definitely did not expect that for this one, but I am Pleased.
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liliallowed · 1 year ago
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this is love by air traffic controller
playing in my head tent free, rotating in microwave
You're no good, you're no good
You could kill me and you should
I'm an idiot for thinking
This was anything but blood
On the wall, on the couch
On the corner of my mouth
You must like being the victim
You've done nothing to get out
Of this pattern of pain
Washed away by the rain
You'll forgive me if I promise
And do nothing but the same
This is life until death
Could be my last dying breath
But this is love, love, shut up, this is love
(Forget everything you used to know
I think you better tell your friends to go
Stick around cause I'm about to show you
The beginning is the end)
Yeah, I know wrong, I know right
But I just love to pick a [fight]
I can sleep with one eye open
If there's any sleep at night
I got my knife, got my gun
Let's see how fast you can run
You might think that you can hurt me
But the damage has been done
It's pathetic, I know
A jealous fool who won't let go
If I was sorry for my actions
Would I ever stoop so low?
Got no reason to live
and I've got nothing left to give you
But my love, love, fuck it, this is love.
(Forget everything you used to know
I think you better tell your friends to go
Stick around cause I'm about to show you
The beginning is the end)
Oh I was hit as a kid
I was good but then I quit
Everyone that tried to fix me Knows that I can't change a bit
I've got no shame, got no pride Only skeletons to hide
And if you try to talk to someone Well then someone has to die
Once you chase me down the hole
Yeah once you think you're in control
You'll believe that we are partners
And you'll feel uncomfortable
Oh then the darkness rolls in
And you'll forget who I have been
But you'll love, love, love it, this is love
(Forget everything you used to know
I think you better tell your friends to go
Stick around cause I'm about to show you
The beginning is the end)
(The simple love that your grandparents had
This kind of love will only make you mad, honey
It hurts at first but it ain't that bad
You gotta wonder what it meant?)
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ame-to-ame · 17 days ago
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Sometimes I think I'm fine and life is going well but then I see someone and for the next day or 2 I forget how to breathe until my heart sits back in my chest nicely again after I thoroughly distract myself
#my head hurts and my arms keep shaking and i feel sick to my stomach#i know it's just hormones and chemical imbalance#i know i will be fine#but good god#please let it pass sooner#i wish i never fell in love it has done nothing but make my life worse. i try so hard to not think about it. but sometimes it hits me.#do you think you were good to me? does it not make you feel guilty when you think about how you treated me?#i wish i had the guts my friends do where they tell it straight up what's wrong with the other person and hate them and leave#but i just. keep apologizing for things that didn't happen. and suffer in silence and let it slowly kill me. because I'd rather die than get#ugh. i just need to stop getting triggered.#if it happens one too many times more i think im going to go crazy and do some stuff I'll regret#i've always known that i can have a side of me get really 偏执 and I've always tried really hard to not. go there.#as they say. the more you love the more you hate. and the girl i was in love with at the time said she didn't want me to hate her. so.#I've been trying really hard to carry out that will#ugh idk it's all. kinda fucked. would someone say my lifestyle now is much healthier? probably. but i was happy. but i felt safe.#it's “healthy” now i have jobs i have more friends and people i talk to i have things im doing but if i get paralyzed for hours triggered#then. what then.#this wasn't the life i wanted either even though everything else seems good and healthy.#delete later
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neverendingford · 3 months ago
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#tag talk#was talking with my brother about being plural and like. I'm kinda the tough rough protector cliche one#and I was talking about wanting my other half to be happy and he hit me with something I'm still mulling over.#he was like “you talk a lot about wanting her to be happy. does she want you to be happy?”#and like. chat words cannot describe how much that threw me. it's my job to take the blows. to front when we're in danger and in pain.#I don't think she gives a shit whether I'm happy. she hasn't learned to care about me as a separate person.#I care about her because that's my job. I'm the fucking trauma alter or whatever. but she doesn't care back.#and we really need to have this talk once she's back. she's asleep right now cause we've been having real bad migraine and I've been dealing#but once things aren't so bad we need to have a fucking talk#I'm not happy being restricted to a relationship I'm not interested in. I don't want to date our partner and that's whatever#but I can't even go out and get fucked properly because even though *I'm* not in a relationship my second half is.#like. goofy ah situation where two people live in a single body so one of them is celibate in order to keep the other one monogamous#like. how the fuck do I do this? if he calls me babe or baby or my love one more time I'm gonna kill us both I hate it.#she likes words of endearment like that and I would rather die. she likes kissing him but I don't like kissing anyone in general#and this whole time I've been expected to just go along with everything because she just bulldozes me out of the way.#I tried to break up with him and she took over the next day and got us right back together again with apologies and letters#because she's genuinely emotionally happy with him and I'm happy for her because I do care.#but I'm not happy with the situation and I don't think she actually cares that I'm not happy. she's caught up in her own shit#and I'll admit I do like him. the partner. we communicate really well and we kinda click yaknow?#and I really do want to keep him as a friend long term#but I can't fucking do this I'm not monogamous I just wanna go get fucked good and rough and he's insufficient for that#one of these years I want to go to Folsom Street Fair. I've read a ton about it and it looks so fun.#I just wanna be sexually liberated and unfortunately I'm stuck in this body with a hopeless romantic#anyway. we've got a lot to sort out here.#I just. she does care but she gets so caught up in her own shit that she forgets to consider other people.#and weirdly enough I count as other people even though we're kinda(?) the same person#pretty similar music tastes. relatively similar fashion styles. same body and same childhood goes far in making you similar people#and yeah. I'm aware she's the more developed one. I don't get nearly as much screen time as she does. but I'm making up for lost time#idk. if I'm stuck here I may as well make the most of it.#also wanna know something funny? I think I'm the one who's tried to kill us every time. no way she ever had the guts to do it.
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nerdykeppie · 5 months ago
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Okay, y'all.
I'm gonna be really up front with everybody in a way that I'm usually not:
This year so far has been really rough, in a way that kinda has me worried. Bear with me, and there will be dog pictures along the way and pictures of new swag at the end, ok?
Running a small business is always rough, and with everything going on - with me being down-and-out struggling to get my hysterectomy approved, with everything going on financially & politically, with Jake moving out here - we knew that this year probably wouldn't be a banner year, but...
... when I pulled reports at the end of May, I was kinda shocked and gutted because at the start of June, we were actually down a considerable amount year over year. I knew the year wouldn't be great, but like, oof.
Pride is usually where we make our money for the year - we call it "gay Christmas," because where other retailers count on their holiday season, we count on Pride to make sure that our employees get paid during January of the following year.
Pause for Ser Davos Seawoof:
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This Pride has started ... slowly. Not terribly, but a little more slowly than I'm comfortable with, and slowly enough that I'm nervous. We invested a lot of money in new stock and equipment, and that's got to pay off. Right?
So here's the pitch:
We need to make at least $60K in sales this month to make sure that we're in good shape for the upcoming year. We are currently at $8100, and we have a two-day event coming up in Seattle at the end of the month, but that still gives us an awful lot of ground to make up.
If we hit our sales goal for this month, NerdyKeppie will donate 1% of our net profit for June to @queerliblib.
Just hitting that goal would both make it possible for us to know we can make it through the year & even if we have the worst profit margins this month, it'd be a minimum $250 donation.
We just added Express delivery as a shipping upgrade on most of our t-shirts (limited color and size options on that, which isn't under our control) so if you need something quick, we've got you, and everything from our Portland HQ collection ships usually within 2 business days.
Everything in our Bottoms & Tops collection is Buy 2, Get a 3rd 69% off with code TOP2BOTTOM until midnight tonight:
And as always, NerdyKeppie is 100% trans-owned and queer-run. We start all of our employees at a minimum of $25/hr, and all eligible employees are IWW members. We have no investors, and we have no shareholders to please. Big box corporations screw over small artists and drop Pride the minute it gets hard or controversial, but this is our life.
We're here for the long run. Help us stay and help us build resources for today & tomorrow, and get some cool-ass swag while you do.
💗🏳️‍🌈
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